The original article can be found here:
And these are the lyrics:
i read this article while doing my rounds
about how to be sexy by putting yourself down
it sounded counterproductive i didn't quite buy it
that's why i decided to just go out and try it
first things first i had to make me a date
and i showed up purposely 35 minutes late
i said "i'm sorry i have a habit of doing this"
she just had this look on her face like she was so pissed
i said "i tried to run here but i'm just too fat"
she said "you're tellin me. i can see that"
we went inside the bar and over to a table
i said "my life sucks so much it's shameful"
she said "it's okay let's just order a drink"
i said" alright... oh my god my feet stink"
she said "don't worry i wouldn't have known"
and i said "that's because i caked on cheap cologne"
we each ordered an alcoholic beverage
and i thought it best to try and get some more leverage
as soon as the waiter brought over our beers
i said "no dead end's as abrupt as my career's"
she didn't laugh in fact i think she sighed
and rolled her eyes and started looking at other guys
that's when i asked "will you come to my place?"
she said "get real creep" and dumped her beer in my face
i said "gee thanks. can we at least take a walk?"
she said "keep a distance of five feet and don't talk"
after walking a while in dead silence
she must have mistook the park for a deserted island
she said "i'll come to your place if that's what you wanted"
i said "thanks for the offer but my house is haunted"
i couldn't help but notice as we said our goodbyes
the complete and utter look of disgust in her eyes
i get the feeling i wasn't attractive at all
that's why i'm going to try the opposite tomorrow
The mp3 can be downloaded here: