Real Snakes Loose on Plane, FBI Handles Drunk Man Instead

Four baby non-venomous pythons escaped in the cargo area of a Qantas Airlines passenger flight today. There were no FBI agents involved, no terrified passengers, and no Samuel L. Jackson, proving that, perhaps fortunately so, real life just isn't as exciting as in the movies.
On the other hand, FBI agents did investigate the case of a Hawaii-bound flight from LA on which a passenger who had been drinking urinated on a 66-year-old woman. He was convicted of assault and sentenced to 3 weeks in jail.

The original news articles can be found here:

Baby pythons escape during flight in Australia
Man jailed for urinating on woman during flight

These are the lyrics:

nothing says "real life is too mundane"
like an uneventful case of snakes on a plane
four non-venomous half foot-long pythons
escape on the passenger plane they were riding on

they decide to play in the cargo bay
while the other 8 snakes said "hey, we'll just stay
right here in our foam box. no need to get lost
and fumigated before the next flight takes off"

and that's what happened when they counted 'em afterwards
couldn't find a one so they gassed the bastards
the plane's back in operation few concerns were raised
and that species wasn't even endangered

neither were the passengers in that case
but on a real Hawaiian flight this dude whipped out his own snake
went up to a woman who was sixty-six
musta thought she looked like a good place to piss

he had been drinking but that's a poor story
if you can stand up you can recognize a lavatory
FBI held an investigation
he got 3 weeks behind bars for urination

feds take real cases don't mess with snakes
they should make a movie called "Drunks Pissin' In Faces"

The mp3 can be downloaded here:

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